Remember when someone told you to never say never? Or perhaps that saying of forever is a long time? Well, I never believed in those. I'd roll my eyes and think "whatever". Well guess what. I'm here to tell you that forever is a long time and never comes to bite you in the a$$.
I've always been a fantastic grudge holder. I've yet to meet anyone that can top my ability. When I say I'm never going to speak to you again, it's usually something I hold true to. That used to be something I was actually proud of. However, I've recently had some reminders that forever really is a long time.
When I was in high school I had a fight with my cousin. Being we were in high school and females, lets just say that it was fairly drawn out and dramatic. I can be pretty mean when I want to be. I'll spare you the details but there was a boyfriend involved and same name calling involving names of garden utensils. (relax, nobody slept with anyone's boyfriend. We left that drama to 90210 and Melrose Place thank you very much). I have not spoken to this cousin since high school. Mind you, the fact that I graduated and went off to school and she graduated the following year and relocated to go to school certainly helped me hold my grudge. It is a whole lot easier to be a good grudge holder when you aren't constantly bumping into the object of your grudge.
Last week I came face to face with my cousin for the first time in 16 years. Unfortunately it was not under happy circumstances but at the funeral for her mother. As I stood in line waiting to pay my respects my stomach knotted a bit. I was looking around at a room full of people I only get to see at funerals and I was about to come face to face with someone who I was once close with but have not spoken to in 16 years. Because I told her I hated her and would never speak to her again. As I reached the front of the line I hugged her dad first and then turned to her and without saying a word hugged her tight. We kept hugging tighter and tighter until I knew I eventually had to let go and move on because the line was literally out the door and down the block.
Later in the evening I had a chance to talk with her a bit. We hugged some more, I told her I was sorry, I told her we were way too young to be dealing with any of this, we were supposed to be old biddies before we bury our parents. I looked at the pictures they had displayed with her and she told me a little about her life.
I left there with a heavy heart, not only for the loss of her mom, but for the loss of what used to be a good relationship between the two of us. I decided that never ended that day. Because never means forever and forever really is a long time.