Control Issues

Hi, my name is B and I’m a control freak. There I said it. I made my confession and acknowledged my imperfection.

I didn’t know I was a control freak. Really, I didn’t. It came as a bit of a surprise to me to make that realization this week. Perhaps the people around me have always thought this about me, I’m not sure. I didn’t know it about myself though.

I know I’m opinionated. I know I like to plan things and even run things sometimes. But honestly, I really thought I could relinquish control.

I always place myself on committees so that I can have a hand in what is going on and give my opinionated opinion and constructive criticism. I offer a great helping hand. However, that doesn’t mean I want to or need to control things or lead things.

I’ve always said I make a great Indian but not a great Chief. I like to participate and be a strong part of things. However, I really don’t like being the one at the top. This way the headaches belong to someone else. The true responsibility belongs to the Chief. (I also don’t delegate well and avoid confrontation, which are not qualities you want in a Chief.)

This week I realized that I’m not happy in the Assistant Chief position. I found myself trying to take over from the Chief and change the way things were being done. I planted myself in a position where I’d know everything that was going on and I insisted that everything be run past me. When the Chief tried to keep me in the position of Assistant I stood up and put myself in a position to be viewed as equal to the Chief. I realized that I really can’t relinquish control in some situations and that I wish I had volunteered to be the Chief in this one. (But really, I don't want to be the Chief!)

Now that I made this realization it’s going to be put on my “To Do” list to work on. I don’t want others to look at me like I’m a crazy freak. I don’t want the headaches associated with taking charge of everything. I want to learn how to take a step back and let things happen without my interference. So, I’ll work on that. Really, I will.

My name is B and I don't want to be a Control Freak!  There, I said it.  Now I have to change it.